road_to_calvary: (Quiet Pain)
Jean Valjean ([personal profile] road_to_calvary) wrote in [personal profile] lark_in_flight 2016-01-25 08:44 pm (UTC)

He is quiet for a long time.

Then he draws a long breath, and tries to order his words.

'It is because you are good,' he says, to Marius. 'If I told you anything, you would have insisted on what you insist on now. You would have let one or two deeds colour all else, and...and I did want to be honest.'

Because nineteen years a convict, silver stolen from a Bishop, a coin taken from a child, the hateful creature he once was...these are not crimes that can be erased by a day in a sewer, or a single confession of his past.

'Cosette-'

Words are so inadequate for what he feels for her, and how happy she makes him just by sitting at his knee.

'-there are some wrongs that can never be left behind. I have tried. But if you say we will be happy, it will be so. I will not go away again.'

He wants to tell her that some convicts are still men and he does not feel like one very often, but when he does it is because of her. But it all feels too big - her comment when she saw the chaine, the fact of what he was and how close he came to losing her because of it. It is too close to the bone, and he does not want to dwell on it.

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